And He Left Silently …..

“Dad has no more life than ten days, his cancer has reached the worst stage. Doctors say there is no hope in his case.”

The words of my brother are still fresh in my memory. The words that drained my soul out of my body. I bluntly looked towards my brother and murmured

“Ten days have passed or yet to pass.”

I do not know what he replied because I was unable to hear any single voice around me but deep inside me there was a loud noise ‘I am gonna lose the most important person of my life soon’. Something was breaking inside me pain of which was too unbearable for me. The distress across the face of my brother was enough to reveal that the rip grimmer has completed his journey of ten days and now soon he is gonna ring our doorbell. My mind was dead. It seemed it has lost the ability to think, speak, hear even everything. No feeling was there; the only feeling left alive was of pain; extreme and unbearable pain, the pain of losing some part of my body, the pain of losing a person who was my whole world, my friend, my role model and my superhero.

…………………….

I still remember that night. The fear that I will lose my father if I blinked my eyes even for a second kept me up the whole night. I was staring at the face of my father the way it seemed that I was memorizing his features. The tears were continuously rolling down my eyes. I can’t express in words how hard it was for me to see my father in such a condition. The truth that the strongest man I had been idealizing for the last 25 years was lying helpless in front of me was choking my throat. I deliberately kept my grief silent with the intention not to hurt him at this time when he was counting his last breaths but all of a sudden he moved his neck towards me. His gesture showed that “I know you’re crying”. A wave of pain sprawled his feeble face. He never let me cry for 25 years, he nourished me like a timid seedling that needs a bundle of attention and care then now how could he be ignorant of my pain? He kept his eyes stuck over me for few seconds; I witnessed the fear in his eyes similar to that I was carrying in mine; fear of losing something very important. His eyes made me realized that the fear of losing your loved ones is even creepier than the fear of losing your life. I can never forget those hopeless eyes looking towards me. It seemed a drought had been setting in those eyes for years and forever. His eyes shouted that he wanted to say something to me but his lips were sealed. I saw a teardrop sliding through his cheeks and then he closed his eyes…………. forever…….. never opened ever after.

The soul of my father flew to the heavens in front of my eyes quietly and calmly. All of his pains were gone in a single leap.

…………

This death was, maybe, a blessing in disguise for my father as he was now free of his pains and sufferings but for me and my family, it meant nothing but sorrows and tears. It was not the death of a person but the death of an adorable relation between a daughter and a father; the relationship that was never meant to be ended. It was not only he who was buried deep down the ground but also the dreams, emotions, and feelings of a wife. It was the demise of a family whom this person was like that tree the ivy sticks around to find life.

It took me a long, almost a decade, to accept this loss. The death of my father invaded me with too much insecurity to believe that I’ll lose every person I would love. My personality turned from a happy and fun-loving girl to a quiet girl who likes solitude rather than being a social bee. My siblings moved on in their lives but I was paused at that moment. It seemed my life was stuck in those lifeless eyes. Those eyes become a nightmare for me that swallowed my peaceful nights. But it is said that Time itself is a healer and it proved to be true in my case. After mourning for so long I came to realize that death is the counterpart of life. We can’t stop living for those who are gone. It’s though hard to understand this reality but sooner or later we have to admit it. The death of my father is still a painful event to recall but now I am mature enough not to carry it over my shoulders all the time making others displeased around me. I have learnt that the shadow of my past can’t overcast my future.